knocked up world.

I sat, glaring through the window, into the vast labyrinth of bustle and noise. Glass giants tower above me, their watchful gaze glaring at the ants beneath them. A sweet scented flower appeared before me and asked “Are you ready to order?”

She smiled a sun of warmth toward me. ” a latte, vanilla.”

I waited in comfort, the buzzing environment enveloped me, trapping the heat and excitement of the moment in as I awaited my order. The sound of engines and horns roared outside, like lions fighting for the right of passage. A soft voice drifted through the noise, faintly reaching my ears. “Here you are, one latte, vanilla.”


Spilt coffee licked its way down my arm, hurrying to escape my thirst. It darted off of my fingertips, to the oaken floor bellow. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s no problem,” I replied, “It shouldn’t take long to clean.”

I was handed a warm, wet cloth and started to mend the damage that had been done. I gently brushed it down my arm, squeezing the water out as I did so. The water and coffee were at war, fighting for dominance over the dry, untouched areas of my arm. The drips soaked into the tips of my sleeves, the deserters of the brutal battle bellow. I placed the cloth on the table, water still oozing from it. A replacement Latte arrived only a few moments after the first. “I’m so sorry about that, I really am!”

“I had already forgotten it happened.”

That was a lie. I sipped delicately at my Latte, as to avoid burning my tongue. It was a warm, welcome, taste as it danced on my tongue. I relished the vanilla flavour as it tingled every inch of my mouth. I was in a state of total bliss, overwhelmed by my senses. The warm taste of freshly brewed coffee was like the warm embrace of summer, even in the coldest seasons. I took in one last breath of the warm coffee scent, one last look at the chaos of ravenous people. hungry people. I rose to leave.

Shake, crack, smash!

Small shards of glass littered my body, the walls of the labyrinth had come down. The sound of the city had changed, morphed into some strange creature. Sending screams, cries and alarms, past me, far into the distance. An invisible bull charged in through the window, chilling me to the bone as it was blown past me. The full brunt of nature was striking me, blow after blow, numbing my body, weathering me down. It was relentless. The ever watchful giants, now shattered and broken, bowed their steel skeletons in respect to the earth. I turned to face the flower that once smiled like a sun, which had all but wilted and crippled, its sweet scent covered by the smell of dust and decay.

My back ached, glass, wood and plaster, pierced and crushed my body, burrowing deep. Moans, cries and screams sent a shiver through my spine. Was this hell? Sticky, crimson blood clung to my skin; a liquid snake, slowly slithering and coiling around my arm, dripping away at the bottom. Pain echoed through my body, reaching the very depths of me. My body was jelly, trembling at the slightest touch. Every second, every moment, every minute, was the same. Each moment, tieing, restraining and freezing me in time, leaving me stranded in pain. the dust and rubble formed a wall on my arm, standing strong against the tide of blood against it. The taste of dust and blood mixed to make a monster inside my mouth. My body gaged to be rid of it, yet it still remained, cold and disgusting. My lungs burned as each breath brought a storm of dust in with it, singeing my body from the inside. I strained for air. Each action I made sent a shock of pain through my body. I tried to stand, to move, but my body rebelled. My mind was locked in the cage of my body, forced to experience its pain with it. I look out at the chaos, my world was in ruin.

2 Replies to “knocked up world.”

  1. Sam, you need to be careful with your metaphoric representation of things- make sure its not too abstract. You don’t want the essence of the story lost due to lack of commonality between the thing your describing and what you are comparing it with. Some of your punctuation is a little shakey- make sure you edit your work throughly at the end. A good start though! I am keen to see where this “aftermath” will go.

  2. Revise your understanding of how speech marks work.
    Make sure vocab choices are varied.
    Check your tenses- you mix past and present up at times.

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